Saturday, June 06, 2009

Finger Tips

The bionic Finn?

Look... nobody embraces his or her nerd-dom quite the way I do. Or so I thought. I mean, I'm a geek. I like being a geek. But I bow down, Wayne and Garth style, in the ultimate I'm-not-worthy genuflection to Jerry Jalava of Finland.

Jerry may be as close as we've gotten to nerdvana. According to this month's issue of Laptop Magazine (page 96), Jerry lost his left ring finger in a motorcycle accident.

Wait... that's not the weird part.

Rather than replace it with a regular prosthetic digit, the computer programmer decided to leap into the digital age by installing a 2GB usb drive. It has removable fake skin covering it, and detaches so he can plug it into his computer's USB port. (This allows him to type while connected.)

I'm not making this up.

If this guy is married and it turns out to be an elaborate way to "lose" his wedding ring... nah, nobody's that lame. They say the vein in the finger in question leads directly to the heart, hence it is used to display one's wedding ring. Jerry's gone way beyond that: his interfaces with his hard-drive.

File Under: taking the nerd thing to its absolute extreme.

It got me thinking. If I could mechanize any part of myself, what part would I mechanize? What would I install? The usb thing is certainly handy. But what if I could have radio transmitters plugged into my earlobes? Or switchblades embedded into my fingertips? Or retractable flippers on the tips of my feet for long distance swims?

Jerry may be a great story, but he's also a trail-blazer. He's sticking his finger into the future and challenging the world to follow. Weird at first glance, sure. But what if we could carry all our personal information-- passport, medical contacts, et cetera-- in the tip of our fingers? Convenient. Speedy.


Still... Jerry certainly did blaze a trail. We've already had organ replacements, even face transplants. We've been installing technology for some time: hearing aids, pacemakers, metal joints, fake valves. Why not take the next step and multi-task. Sorry about the loss of your arm, Mister Jones... but congratulations on your new attachment and have fun making julienne fries!

Before you know it we'll all be supplemented with handy dandy gadget attachments. Why fight progress? Resistance is... nope... not going there.


  1. Um. Wow. That's interesting. Would I go bionic? Maybe, depending on the body part in question. I wouldn't mind fingers that could type fast enough to keep up with my brain.

  2. Amanda Brice1:02 PM

    Um. Wow. Just wow.

    Seriously. I don't even know what to say.

  3. I'd never lose my keys again.

    I'd never lack a straw at a restaurant.

    And I'd always know which way was north.


  4. Wow, I never in a million years would have thought of doing that...I wonder how his wife feels about it? I think it's an interesting way to make your prosthetic do multiple functions. And I bet no one would think it would be hidden there!

    Well, at least he'll always know where his flash drive is. I never can seem to find mine. ROFL

  5. Novel at your fingertips.

  6. That's weird enough to be a little disturbing.

  7. Just no, please.

    Though I might have told my kids that they were microchipped once. They're not, but it keeps them honest.