Saturday, November 07, 2009
The Nabisco People Are Trying to Kill Me
It's not right. The people at Nabisco are clearly trying to kill me. I was minding my own business, wandering right past the cookie aisle, when I was accosted by a display clearly designed by sadistic minions of the devil. There they were: The Limited Edition Mint Fudge Oreos.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Limited edition?" Yes. Limited edition. And it's not just the Mint Fudge edition we need to dodge and avoid like David Beckham on the field. No, as if those fudge-dipped, decadent little orbs of evil weren't enough, the Nabisco psych-- err-- people have whipped up several "limited" Oreo versions. Take, for instance, the Strawberry Milkshake, Peppermint Candy, and Banana Split editions.
Still think they're innocent? Well let me ask you... why LIMITED? Hmm? Why get us all hooked on those new, shiny, beckoning delights with their glorious, dark cookies cradling new, exciting secrets in a clearly salacious and indecent manner? Why not just give us the new indulgence, such as they did with the Double Stuff Oreo? Why wasn't THAT a "limited edition?
I'll tell you why... the double middle was like a trainer drug. It lured us in. It got us hooked. We unscrewed those first temptations, delighted at the sheer luxurious excess, licked them with reckless abandon, and re-screwed the dark discs without realizing our descent into darkness had begun. It starts with double-stuff. Then it's "oh-look-a-special-edition."
Thanks Nabisco. Why don't you just sell them in a handbasket?