Saturday, November 07, 2009

The Nabisco People Are Trying to Kill Me

It's not right. The people at Nabisco are clearly trying to kill me. I was minding my own business, wandering right past the cookie aisle, when I was accosted by a display clearly designed by sadistic minions of the devil. There they were: The Limited Edition Mint Fudge Oreos.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Limited edition?" Yes. Limited edition. And it's not just the Mint Fudge edition we need to dodge and avoid like David Beckham on the field. No, as if those fudge-dipped, decadent little orbs of evil weren't enough, the Nabisco psych-- err-- people have whipped up several "limited" Oreo versions. Take, for instance, the Strawberry Milkshake, Peppermint Candy, and Banana Split editions.

Still think they're innocent? Well let me ask you... why LIMITED? Hmm? Why get us all hooked on those new, shiny, beckoning delights with their glorious, dark cookies cradling new, exciting secrets in a clearly salacious and indecent manner? Why not just give us the new indulgence, such as they did with the Double Stuff Oreo? Why wasn't THAT a "limited edition?

I'll tell you why... the double middle was like a trainer drug. It lured us in. It got us hooked. We unscrewed those first temptations, delighted at the sheer luxurious excess, licked them with reckless abandon, and re-screwed the dark discs without realizing our descent into darkness had begun. It starts with double-stuff. Then it's "oh-look-a-special-edition."

Thanks Nabisco. Why don't you just sell them in a handbasket?


  1. HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA. dude, i concur. OMG want...

  2. I spit coffee when I hit "trainer drug".

    I love Oreos. Oreos love me. When we meet, they adhere themselves to my hips and never ever leave.

  3. It's times like this when I'm ever so grateful that I find the stuff that they put in Oreos to be disgusting. They ruin a perfectly good chocolate cookie with all that goo.

  4. I am only grateful the mint fudge covered ones come in very small amounts.


  5. When I was younger I literally rolled up the inner part into a ball from like ten cookies then threwout the cookies and only ate the white part...

    Then I stopped once I discovered double stuffed :] They know what we like.

  6. mmmm. Double Stuf...and Candy Cane...and white chocolate dipped...

    I'm Nabisco's Pavlovian Bitch and happy to be...

  7. The banana-split ones were made especially for my husband, I think.