Tuesday, September 09, 2008

38 Going On 13

Like many people, I once had braces. But I had them when I was 34, not when I was 13. As a result and because of what my orthodontist like to refer to as my "advanced age" (I always say it with air quotes, too) I have permanently bonded retainers behind my top and bottom teeth.

They look like this:

Saturday night, I bit into a radish (lame, I know) and snapped the bottom retainer loose from the first three teeth. ARGH!!! It immediately stabbed into the side of my tongue. I fiddled with it a bit to unstab my tongue and went and put my other set of retainers on. They're hard, clear plastic trays that fit over my teeth and are meant to be worn at night. They look like this:

I know you can't believe I'm so cool that I actually have two different kinds of retainers. It's like, a teen dream come true really. *gah*

Anyway, I spent Monday morning at the orthodontist getting my apparatus recemented. I knew it would be tons of fun the instant they couldn't find the "adult" paperwork for me to fill out. The patient wall didn't have one adult on it, so I can understand why the paperwork was missing. They were all very nice, though. Especially the cute, young, preppy doctor who, in retrospect, probably had a nice cleavage shot the whole time he was working on me.

Maybe that's why it took so long. Have any brace stories of your own to share?


  1. Ouch! But funny story Kristen. I'm sure he had quite a view. Sorry no stories of my own but horrors with my kids.

  2. Anonymous8:48 AM

    I had adult braces at the age of 22. I got married at 24. I didn't want braces in my wedding photos. (Looking back, it wouldn't have mattered as the braces lasted longer than the marriage). For my wedding present, my doc took off my front braces (left the back), so in all the photos, I have lovely white teeth. After the wedding, he put it all back on. (This was back in the days when braces were a ton of metal - grill mouth).

    The stabbing of your tongue made me wince! Ouch

  3. When I first met you, you had your braces. :)

    I wore braces for almost 4 years. And they were fairly uneventful for me, overall. Except for the stray popcorn seed (never did give up popcorn no matter how often they told me I had to). This one seed lodged itself between my tooth and wires and I couldn't remove it. Finally after 3 days of pain, I told my mom. After a couple of hours of berating, she finally took me to the Orthodontist.

    He popped it out without much drama. (thankfully. i couldn't have handled more drama. thanks Ma.) But he told me from that moment on, he was going to check my teeth every month for popcorn seeds and for every one he found, would mean an extra month in the braces. And head gear.

    I stopped eating popcorn after that. For the most part.

  4. Wow. Bummer, dudette!
    I'll bet that wasn't fun at all.
    Nothing like metal stabbing you in the tongue. Yikes.

    I once cracked a molar on a piece of broccoli in a salad. Apparently, there was a piece of sand buried inside it.

    Thanks for sharing your story about the radish. :)

    Now I don't feel so alone in my lameness. :)


  5. Yikes! Unfortunately, I have too many dentist stories because I'm there ALL the time.
    But if you can believe, I've never had braces.
    (Although people acuse me of having had them)
    What can I say? I'm a natural. :)

  6. Yikes! Ouch!

    I never had braces, sorry.

  7. I just remember wanting them because of Marcia Brady, and then hating them when I finally got them.

  8. Okay. Just... ow.

    I struggle to resist biting down on the hand in my mouth. And you have just reminded me I need to call and schedule a dental appointment for myself.


  9. Ow! I had metalmouth braces for about a year when I was eleven. I was quite eyecatching since I lived in the UK where they aren't nearly as common. My bottom teeth soon went crooked again, and they're staying that way!


  10. ROFL--no good stories of my own, but rock on with your bad self, yo! It's so generous of you to share your cleavage with the dentist...

  11. LOL, Kristen! You don't want to know my orthodontic horror stories. But the jerk who straightened my teeth was famous for blowing off appointments. The gals in the office used to take bets, as I sat there in the chair, whether he'd actually come in or go play golf.

    BTW--I'm proud of you for going for it at 34! Yay!

    Watch out for those radishes!

  12. I have teefs missing but we're waiting til they finish falling out before replacing with individuals. I hate dealing with it.

    Sorry pookie. Mwah.

    Have minty mocha blended coffee drinks:

    beans (coffee and chocolte)
    greens (mint)
    milk (dairy)
    seasoning (syrup)

    Really, it's a salad when you get right down to basics.

  13. No braces story, however, I did chip a tooth struggling to open an OB tampon during a Christmas party. I had to totally lie to my dentist when he asked what I chipped my tooth on;)

  14. Anonymous1:48 PM

    I still have a perm retainer on my bottom teeth and a few years ago it broke too. So I feel ya, I couldn’t decide what was worse - getting new one fitted or the annoying doctor who lectured me endlessly about my wine and coffee habits....argh