Monday, January 05, 2009

when tasering should be allowed

Here is my list of infractions that should allow for automatic tasering:
  • If you don't return your cart to the cart corral
  • Express checkout with more than the maximum
  • Self-checkout with a full basket
  • Separate checks at a drive through window
  • Allowing your dog to poop in my yard then not cleaning it up
  • Using cell phone in movie theater (especially talking on the phone. Texting is slightly annoying but I can live with it. Talking? minimum 3 zaps)
  • Putting the roll of toilet paper on the wrong way (under not over!!!!)
  • Anyone between the ages of 14-18
  • Husbands
  • Perfect people at the gym
  • Actually, all perfect people
  • Bill collectors
  • Door to door salesmen (doesn't matter what you're selling, vacuums, bibles, flo-bees: 2 zaps!)
  • Stupid people (yes, this is subjective, but seriously, if I think you're stupid, you're stupid and deserve a zap)
  • Abusive people (animals, people, cars, whatever. Zap, Zap, Zap)
  • Mean people (not the same as abusive. All abusive people are mean, all mean people aren't abusive. Zap!)
  • Clowns
Who or what would you add to the list?


  1. People who drive like idiots. Really.

  2. I agree with adding idiot drivers, as well as people who walk across the street incredibly freaking slow without any consideration for anyone else. hahaha good list!!

  3. And on an opposite note, people who don't go slow in pedestrian zones...HATE THEM. ROFL

  4. All the girls on the new Rock of Love show. Not that I watched it.

  5. Anonymous10:13 AM

    My boss. He is without question stupid and I have the e-mails as proof should you need them. If not enough, spend a couple of minutes on the phone, you will have all the proof you need. If I give you his address could you can take care of it for me. Company policy won't let me taser my him which I think a silly policy. BTW, he lives in Chicago so maybe you fly up, taser him, and squeeze in shopping on Lake Shore Dr. and still write it off as a business trip.

  6. hands down, the Burger King king.

  7. People who stand in the middle of the aisle of a crowded store and refuse to move.

    People who refuse to control their kids... THEM, not the kids.

    Skinny women who hate fat women.

    Fat women who hate skinny women.


    Everyone who is a telemarketer. Since they hide behind a phone they should be forced to wear a sign in public.

  8. Great list! I would add...

    * People who do not control their kids in public (not just stores, but anywhere)

    * People who refuse to yield for pedestrians in crosswalks

    * People who block aisles in stores (and this includes stockers), then get pissy at you for either asking them to move or moving their cart for them

    * Whoever came up with the "BK virgin" ads

    * Inconsiderate neighbors - not just people who don't pick up after or control theior dogs, but any rude behavior, esp. late at night

  9. Sorry to be gross, but I'd add people who leave a public toilet seat wet. (What, they consider it too gross to clean up after themselves, but think it's okay to expect the next person to do it for them? Do they think the whole world are their unpaid maids?)

  10. I completely agree with adding the BK King. Seriously, he is so skeevy that he has been outlawed in this house. I'd also like to tase the asshole who thought that was a good marketing plan.

    As to bosses, I have an ex-boss that I wouldn't mind taking a taser to. Several times. While she's standing in a bucket of water.

    I also want to tase assholes who stand in the middle of the grocery aisle and talk on the phone completely oblivious to those around them. I apparently have lots of pent up grocery store anger.

  11. I guess I should just add 'assholes' to my taser list, huh?