Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My sister and her hunt for a career

I don't think I've talked about my sister Lisa on the Fictionistas blog yet. Which is a shame, because she's truly provided me lots of fodder for my stories. See, Lisa is like me, but cracked out to the nth degree (no, she's not REALLY on crack--she's just crazy talk, like the rest of the women in my family, LOL).

Anyway, my sister has held a variety of jobs to date, including:


--telemarketer for accidental death and dismemberment insurance

--leech cage cleaner in a pharmacy

--night security for a trucking company

--bookstore employee


--middle school sub for an art class (*shudder*)

Right now, Lisa works as a criminal justice/paralegal teacher at a local college, because her BA (in liberal arts), involved schooling in these areas. But she's ready to move on to bigger and better things--and what would be better than a career in criminal justice, her main area of interest?

However, my sister has a few specifications for any job she undertakes:

1. no involuntary body secretions or oozing (blood/sweat/etc.)

2. she should not have to run for her life at any point in the job

3. she should be nowhere near prisoners or shivs

These three factors alone rule out, like, 95% of all criminal justice jobs, LOL. So what about the other 5% that's left? Well, the rest of her specifications should knock those out quite nicely:

4. nothing that requires science on a middle-grade level or higher

5. nothing that requires a sense of direction

6. no math

However, Lisa thinks she has stumbled across the ideal criminal justice job for her: deputy coroner. Basically, she'd work with the coroner and medical examiner's office to determine how a person died.

And what's even scarier? My sister would be issued a GUN and would have the right to arrest people. She's stoked, because there's no training camp/physical fitness test required, which means no sweating (see rule #1). My mom is FREAKING OUT.

My sister. With a gun. AND the right to arrest people? God help us all. LOL.

So, what about you? Do you have any job specifications? Share with the group!!


  1. But wouldn't deputy coroner involve science????

    My job requirements are simple. Pays well, flexible hours, and lets me write on the side.

  2. I'm sure it does--I think you're taking her a bit too seriously, LOL. She just doesn't want to have to do extreme-o science stuff.

    Those are good job requirements. I feel the same way!

  3. If your sister is half as cracknuts as you are, she sounds like a party waiting to happen.

    Love her job requirements. Mine pretty much involved not having to leave the house or shower. That's why I'm a writer.

  4. Kristen, that's hilarious. I can see that writing is certainly the job for you! LOLOL

    Yeah, she's a live wire, fer shure...

  5. As I get crankier as I age, I often dream of jobs where I'm not required to interact with people.

    Dead peple might be okay.

  6. I basically want a job where I can sit around in my jammy pants.

    Writing YAY!

  7., I hear ya.

    Dana--jammies RULE!!

  8. Lisa the sister2:32 PM

    So let me just clarify a wee issue. I actually adore teaching my criminal justice and law classes, I just want to play more in the field. Sigh, if only I could find someone who was willing to pay me a pantload of money just to sit around and watch me read all day. Ahhhh, that's living.

  9. LOLOLOL Lisa--if only we all could get that dream job...

  10. How do you avoid body fluids in a coroner's office??

    I have an education that should render me unemployable. BA in English Lit with a double minor in Philosophy and Womens Studies. Phd in Literature with a concentration on Psychological Criticism.

    I believe this is the pedigree of a supernerd.

    Yet I managed to get some pretty quirkily cool jobs with it. Language Forensics specialist, Teacher, Body Image Columnist, Film Critic, to name a few.

    You never know!

  11. Anonymous1:21 AM

    Lisa with a gun...that is a frightening thought. Be sure and warn me when she's going to be in Cincinnati.