Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Best Revenge

I never had a date for either of my high school proms (junior or senior). Actually, I never had a date at any time during high school. I was, apparently undateable. I went to my junior prom with my also undateable BFF. I wore a short green taffeta and black velvet dress while she channeled Scarlet O'Hara in black and white satin. I remember very little else about that night. I can tell you that the dress I wore was purchased with donated funds since my dress money had been pick-pocketed out of my purse about 5 minutes after we arrived at the mall. (Hmm. Ignore cosmic signs much?)

When senior prom rolled around, I didn't even bother. I had accepted my undateableness and owned it. I think my mom and I went shopping. Or I stayed home and watched TV. I really don't remember.

Now, you may think that four years of being ignored by my male peers might have done something to my psyche. It did, in a way. It made me try harder. Flash forward to this weekend and the Hard Rock Cafe in Pittsburgh where I was attending a surprise birthday party for my brother-in-law. This guitar hung over the table that held the birthday cake:

What is the significance of that, you ask? Well, the signature below the band's name, Tonic, that's Emerson Hart. The guy I dated for two years while living in NYC. Who cares about all those boys who never asked me out in high school? One of my ex's has a guitar hanging in the Hard Rock Cafe.

I think that trumps a dateless prom any day.


  1. Love the pic of the guitar...but I'd pay money to see your green prom dress!

    I went to prom both senior and junior year, but both times with a guy friend instead of a real date. It was never a very good party, as I recall.

    Also? Emerson Hart is sexy.

  2. Em was very sexy. That's all I'm saying about that.

    And if I can get my mom to find the pics, I'll post them. I also had a gigantic black velvet bow in my hair. I mean, it was like the Flying Nun does prom. Huge.

  3. I never went to prom. I was never asked, and it was unheard of to go stag. My junior year, I thought I was going. I kept waiting for the boy I was semi-dating to ask, but as the prom approached, he admitted he'd already asked someone. A little redhaired freshman. Seems he had a thing for red hair. *shrug* I lived. I found out years later that the reason I never got a date in high school is people thought I was a snob. Shocked the heck out of me.

  4. Soooo cool, Kristen!

    I think someone should gather stories from people about surviving the prom. My junior year date was a guy from another school who wanted to go to our prom because two of his buddies were dating girls at my school. He "relented" and went with me. Mind you...his after school job was playing the Piggly Wiggly pig. And *I* wasn't a catch?!?!?

    My senior year prom, asked three people and no one wanted to go. Rejected much? So, my best friend set me up with this freshman guy who wanted to go because his best friend (also a freshman) had a date with an undatable junior. They just wanted to go and dance with the gorgeous Brook Shields-like girl in the tight sequin dress. After pictures, senior lead out and one dance, Freshman Boy announced to me that he and his buddy were leaving to go riding around with the guys. I, being the level-headed person I am, pitched a conniption fit, screamed at him and ended up almost running him down in the parking lot with my car. What? The idiot was chasing me as I was peeling out.

    Don't cry for Argentina, though. I ended up Burger King where I changed clothes, downed my sorrow in a chicken sandwich and met up with a sophomore friend of mine and we sat in my car, listened to music and chatted for like three hours. Great time.

    Oh...footnote...the Freshman Boy and I didn't speak much after that...until five years later, right before he was scheduled to go off to the Marine Corps, we ran into each other and he apologized for being such a jerk. What could he say...he was 15! LOL!


  5. Sweet, sweet, blissful revenge. haha. I love it! Good for you--that's just awesome!!! That totally trumps the prom thing.

  6. Anonymous10:47 AM

    as lovely as your are Kristen, I find it hard to believe--in fact, damn near impossible to believe--that you dated so little.

    Please post prom pictures. I want to see the flying nun bow

  7. I didn't go to Prom, either of the years. I was asked by more than 3 guys and a Senior guy I'd never actually talked to, I just had no urge to buy an overpriced dress I'd never wear again (me and dresses don't mix well) or to hang around with people I had close to nothing in common with, none of my friends were going, except my ex whome I still had a crush on and he was taking his girlfriend who I was entirely too jealous of. So, that was a no-go. Plus, most of the guys who asked me were friends with said ex and would probably make me ride in the same limo with him and his girlfriend. I mean, I'm sure I could have pulled off that monstrosity of a tight sheathe of jade green spandex/nylon and sequins trimmed in pale green fluff/froth she called a dress better...but that's neither here nor there. Lol. I saw pictures...he was practically slaying the dress to make room for him to get into the frame without looking like he was just the guy dressed in black they put in the picture to take some attention off the too loud dress. Yes, there is such a person...he came with the camera man...or so I'm told. Well, every dance I went to had him on hand. The girls at Bonner could have done with a meeting with Perez Hilton or queer eye for the straight guy, all I'm saying.

    So, Prom night? I turned it into movie night for the rest of the group. We watched all the old slasher films that were made with a $20 dollar budget and made chocolate malts with gummie worms. It was a great night.

  8. Kristen You Rock! Perfect Prom story.

  9. Kristen Wins!
    And Jaded Bee...omG what a great idea. Queer Eye for the Prom. I love it! You should sell that idea to Mtv.

  10. OK, that rocks, Kristin.

  11. I got lucky. I always went to prom and on one occasion I had two dates.. why? I was the "best friend" to all the hot jocks. Heck, maybe I was the safe date and would go when they were too shy to ask the lead cheerleaders. I don't know, but I'm not complaining. I had some hot studs, no kisses, but a memorable few proms :) Don't even get me started on dresses... **shudders**

  12. Hey, Kristen, I didn't go to a prom, either, and look how I parlayed it: into selling my first book, TOP TEN USES FOR AN UNWORN PROM DRESS. Yep, revenge is sweet!

  13. I went to a concert instead of my junior prom....I still think that was a very good decision :)

    I'm a bad influence though...my brother hasn't gone to prom either

    And you definitely beat all