who are you?

I'm going to be 42 years old in 15 days...(and if you're anything like my kids, you're already mumbling "Old Lady" and coughing the word "geezer" into your hand.) I'm okay with that.

1. I look damn good for a 41 year & 337 day old woman.
2. I know who I am and I'm totally okay with me.

I think I was probably in my 30s before I really started to get to know myself and to stop trying to please everyone. Friendship and love isn't about winning a competition. It's okay to have multiple friends and it's okay if one of your friends likes someone better than you. What isn't okay is if you spend a countless amount of energy trying to "win" them over. Nobody likes to be with someone who isn't being true to themselves.

And if you're true to yourself...and you realize that the people you want to be with don't seem to feel the same, then move on. It's not easy, but you should never compromise your core values for someone else. It's like Mark Darcy said to Bridget: "I like you just as you are."

That's where true friendship and love can be found. And I hope you guys can start working on that a lot younger than I did...however, it doesn't matter how old you are...it's never too late to to be true to you.

friends

I hung out with some friends from high school over the weekend and had the best time ever. It's really hard to believe that I've known some of these guys since I was 5 years old! And that we're still friends.

I've said it before, but I was one of the few folks who actually enjoyed high school. Sure, I had moments of drama like everyone else, but overall, my HS experience was fantastic. I made a lot of friends, knew a lot of good people and count myself very lucky that many of them are still in my life.

I wanted to scan some old pics and post for you here so you could see then and now, but I didn't preplan enough in advance. So I'll just post a group pic of now.
Take a good look at the people around you in high school now...you may find yourself playing with them 22 years later. What a great feeling that is.

BFFs Old and New

Paris Hilton may have taken the term "bff" to new heights, but it's been around a while. I guess today good friendships are on my mind for a few reasons. First, I got an email yesterday from a very old and dear friend I was missing without realizing it. Second, I have been spending a lot more time with my friends lately. And third, I am hooking up, later today, with some internet friends. I love meeting online friends in person.

My old friend Maureen dropped me an email to update her contact info and it was weird how I had been thinking about her recently. I think about her now and then anyway, but last week I drove through her old stomping grounds and had a Maureen moment... then I passed an ancient Hyundai on the highway. It was the exact make, model, and color of the little hatchback she drove during college, later purchased by me and driven into its grave. She was on my mind, and then-- kapow-- she was in my inbox.

Plus three of my bff's from high school have been constant companions lately. Roxanne I have known since we were tweens. Timmy was my first real boyfriend. Petie I have known since pre-school. We spent Thanksgiving together and it was great. The game-- for which I am eating crow, thanks a lot Rams-- drew a 6,000-plus crowd. I got hugged a lot this Thanksgiving and it was lovely.

Then there's Alan and Nonny, two friends from Romance Diva pals who are leaving my area soon. I couldn't stand the idea of letting them go without an in-person hug, so I am squeezing in a quick lunch before a meeting. I love those online-in-face connects. I got a pretty nice guy out of one of those. :)

I've realized, reflecting this week, that BFF means more than "best friends forever." I have many "best" friends. If I were forced to pick only one it would be Ahmed, though Max might get kind of ticked off. But I won't be forced to pick just one. For me it's not the BEST that counts as much as the FOREVER. It's a great blessing to have friends. And good friendships survive time and distance. One minute you're getting tackled at a high school football game by a guy you run into all the time at the grocery store... the next you've got a very dear and old friend popping up in your email inbox after ages. But the warmth and genuine joy is there, regardless.

So drop your friends-- old and new-- a line. Tis the season, after all. Spread some tidings of comfort, joy, and bff-itude!

Edit: Nonny and Alan outside Cheesecake Factory!

Powerful Friends

I like having powerful friends. I don't mean I lunch with Donald Trump, I mean I have friends who support me no matter what I wear or choose to eat or not eat, no matter what kind of car I drive, the size of my house, what my parents do for a living...sorry, that was a brief slide into high school. Where those things seemed to matter to some people.

I remember high school pretty well. I wasn't exactly awash in friends. I had some and they were good ones, but it was a very small group. And most of them didn't have friends beyond that group either. Why didn't I have more friends? Why wasn't I one of the popular kids? Well, I was smart and didn't hide it. I was taller than most. I didn't wear the popular clothes, I wore stuff bought in NYC when my mom and I made our buying trips for my parents' clothing store. I wasn't a cheerleader or in band. I didn't play any sports. I spent a lot of time in the library.

Things are so different now. I have a lot of friends...I mean a lot. People know who I am. They like me. They value my opinion. What's changed? Let's see...I'm still smart and taller than most. I still sometimes wear outrageous things. I'm still not a cheerleader and I still think the library is cool.

So what's changed? I no longer feel like an outsider. If anything I feel like an insider. Maybe that's the clue. What do you think? Has the quality of your friendships changed since you grew up?

friendships

Chrissy blogged about friends the other day, and I'm going to continue with that theme.

I saw the Sex and the City movie this weekend. It was an emotional rollercoaster full of happiness, nostalgia and real life pain. But most of all, it was a great lesson on friendship and forgiveness.

True friendship comes unconditionally and the movie was a great example of how fiction can portray real life. I highly recommend the movie to anyone sixteen and up (it's pretty darn Racy--hence the R rating)--even if you didn't follow the show, I think you'll leave the theater with a good understanding of what friendship can and should be.

I have one really good friend from high school. We've remained very close all these years. We survived high school, colleges, broken hearts, getting fat, getting skinny (and getting fat again) babies, money troubles and moving away. What we have is special. I know this. I think the reason we found each other and have remained such good friends is because we truly put no conditions on our friendship.

As an adult, I've learned to go with my gut when it comes to forming lasting friendships. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to learn that lesson, and I ended up hurt because I had chosen a few friends who did not know how to be a "friend" back. I don't regret the lesson I learned when the friendship fell apart because it taught me to be true to myself no matter what.

The point of my rambling is, be true to yourself and your real friends will be true to you. You may end up weeding out a faux friend or two, but when its all said and done, your true friendships will be stronger than ever. Go with your gut. It really won't lead you astray.