Dear Girls,

I went to Oxford, MS this weekend. (Actually, I've been the last three weekends as we have a house for sale by owner there and we have to show on the weekends, but I digress.)

So Friday night, I go out with my friends Andrea and Mika. Oxford is a college town and it was a 'game day' weekend, so the square was packed with tons of coeds and frat boys.

And that's when I realized I needed to teach every girl under the age of 25 a lesson.

Less is more.

And I'm not talking about 'less clothing.' I think that's pretty well taken care of as it is. I'm talking about these girls who are out on the town, trying way too hard.

Stilettos, designer jeans, short-shorts or skirts, skin tight tops, too much makeup and way over-done hair.

If there were 500 girls on the square Friday night, 490 of them looked exactly the same.

It was sad. And disconcerting. Not one person really was out there as themselves. And the girls who were trying so damn hard to get a guy to notice them, were going about it all the wrong way.

Because when you slide into those 4 inch heels, and slap on all that makeup, you're not doing it for the guys...you're doing it to impress the other girls.

Here's a well kept secret: Guys could give a shit about all that. Even when you're out clubbing.

It's true.

When I stopped trying so hard, I started getting noticed. I could go out in a cotton tank top, a pair of jeans, and my flip-flops and I would get hit on twice as much as when I went 'all out.' And watching the swarming frat boys on Friday night, guess who they were going for? Not the girls in the glitter and stilettos, but the girls in the shorts and flip-flops.

Guys want girls who are comfortable in their own skin. If you're going out on a Friday night to meet a guy, you need to be yourself. I'm not saying you can't dress up, but don't go over the top and please, try very hard not to look like all your girlfriends. No guy wants to date a Stepford girl. And if he does--I can promise that you don't want to date that guy.

Disappointing dates--the bane of the teen's existence!

Okay, maybe that title is a bit melodramatic, but when you're sixteen and eager to find true love, a disappointing date is like a kick in the solar plexus.

And I had many a non-perfect date back in my day. Ah, I remember one classic date, where I was totally, utterly crushing on a guy--I thought he was so freaking cute, and I couldn't believe we were going to go out!

We went to see some movie, laughed and talked and enjoyed our time together, and at the end of the date...he shook my hand.

Yes, SHOOK MY HAND.

Shaking hands to cement a business merger? Rock on. Shaking hands when introducing yourself to someone? Absolutely.

But to end a date? He might as well have chucked me on the chin. LOL.

Well, needless to say, that was our first and last date.

I've had other disappointing dates, too, as well as outright bad ones--like the time I was stood up for two hours on a double date--and when the jerk finally showed, he spent the whole evening making fun of me with my friend's date...then, had the nerve to ask me at the end of the night, "So, am I getting a kiss, or what?"

RIIIIIIGHT. What a pair on that guy!

So, anyone else have any really disappointing or bad dates to share? Commisserate with me!

take a look at your boyfriend...

When I was in high school, the teachers often sat us in alphabetical order. (have they gotten any more creative?) Oftentimes, the people you were sitting between were the people you were stuck with for the rest of the year.

My maiden name was McKenzie. In 9th grade, I had 3 classes in a row with Denton McDonald. It didn't take us too long to hit it off and hook up. Life was good.

Denton was my first boyfriend ever. We had a great time until I got grounded. (I can't remember WHY I got grounded. Probably made a B- on my report card or something.) Anyway, Denton moved on and I was stuck behind him for the rest of the year.

Of course, it was over another girl. If he couldn't see me, he had to see somebody, right?

It all worked out in the end. We became friends and remained friends. I actually had lunch with him the other day. He's a great guy. He's been married for 20 years (I'm only at 15 years this week) and has two kids, one who's about to graduate high school. (incidentally, I'm also good friends with "the other woman", too.)

What's the point of all this? Don't let the melodrama of high school ruin something potentially good. I've had a friendship for 24 years now because I was able to move on from the drama. So many times, I watch folks get so wrapped up in the minutia that they lose sight of the big picture.

If you know you have a penchant for melodrama--then my advice is not to date anyone assigned to sit in front or behind you. Otherwise, it will be a long year.

Here are some little known facts about my 9th grade love affair stolen from my personal blog:

1. Denton gave me my first hickey.
2. He was the boy I made out with in the sheep barn at the state fair. (which is where #1 occurred) It's been 23 years and I still think of him when I see any state fair commercial.
   
3. We had school pictures the next day and I had to do my very best to hide my hickey. I still have that awful picture, which will NEVER be posted. Maybe. We'll see. My hair was so bad...and I was wearing a mauve sweater.
   
4. We had 2 songs (don't ask me why I remember this) True, by Spandau Ballet and Islands in a Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton (no, I am not making that up.)
5. When I first fell for him, he had an afro. It was a perm, but I didn't care, cuz to my little 14 year old heart, it was sexxxy. I have a picture still, somewhere. If I can get him to agree to it, I'm so gonna post it.
   
6. He was the only boy I ever wore one of those split heart necklaces with and when we broke up, I threw my heart at him. Sooo dramatic. (like the one pictured, only it said something poignant like, together we are one...)
   
7. Our senior year, we fooled around again, but never really dated again.
8. He was really the only boyfriend I had during all of high school. I dated some, but never really did the whole "relationship" thing. Probably the smartest thing I ever did...

There you go. Little known facts that probably could've stayed swept under the rug.

Guy-o-mancy...do you do it?

Guy-o-mancy, the ancient art of reading every word, every look, every nuance having to do with a guy to determine if he likes you or not. How many people out there are guilty of this?

Yes, I'm raising my hand...both of them, actually, because back in the day, I used to do this a LOT.

Okay, I still do. I admit, I don't always know what the manpanion's thinking, so I still use these little tricks to get a handle on him.

What is the art of guy-o-mancy, you ask, and how can I learn this sage skill? Alas, there are no trade schools specializing in understanding the other sex, but Auntie Rhonda is going to teach you some tricks of the trade:

1--If you want to determine the guy's feelings, but he's not around, try the old "betting" concept. Just make a bet with yourself--if you can sink that wadded-up piece of paper into the garbage on your first try, then it must be love. Or, put your hand on the phone. If someone calls you in the next X seconds, it means your guy's smitten.

2--If you're in his presence, analyze every physical gesture he makes to see if he's into you. What does his body language reveal? Is he leaning in toward you? Does he touch your arm/shoulder/face? Does he make lots of eye contact?

3--If you're in a conversation with the guy, dissect every word he says. Is he asking questions about you, or does he just like talking about himself? When he answers questions, are they more than just one or two-word phrases? Does he laugh at your jokes?

Have any guy-o-mancy tips or tricks to share? Dish it up, folks! Let's hear what you do when you're feeling especially neurotic. haha

ETA: The winner from yesterday's contest is DEB LOGAN. Congrats, Deb!!!