take a look at your boyfriend...

When I was in high school, the teachers often sat us in alphabetical order. (have they gotten any more creative?) Oftentimes, the people you were sitting between were the people you were stuck with for the rest of the year.

My maiden name was McKenzie. In 9th grade, I had 3 classes in a row with Denton McDonald. It didn't take us too long to hit it off and hook up. Life was good.

Denton was my first boyfriend ever. We had a great time until I got grounded. (I can't remember WHY I got grounded. Probably made a B- on my report card or something.) Anyway, Denton moved on and I was stuck behind him for the rest of the year.

Of course, it was over another girl. If he couldn't see me, he had to see somebody, right?

It all worked out in the end. We became friends and remained friends. I actually had lunch with him the other day. He's a great guy. He's been married for 20 years (I'm only at 15 years this week) and has two kids, one who's about to graduate high school. (incidentally, I'm also good friends with "the other woman", too.)

What's the point of all this? Don't let the melodrama of high school ruin something potentially good. I've had a friendship for 24 years now because I was able to move on from the drama. So many times, I watch folks get so wrapped up in the minutia that they lose sight of the big picture.

If you know you have a penchant for melodrama--then my advice is not to date anyone assigned to sit in front or behind you. Otherwise, it will be a long year.

Here are some little known facts about my 9th grade love affair stolen from my personal blog:

1. Denton gave me my first hickey.
2. He was the boy I made out with in the sheep barn at the state fair. (which is where #1 occurred) It's been 23 years and I still think of him when I see any state fair commercial.
   
3. We had school pictures the next day and I had to do my very best to hide my hickey. I still have that awful picture, which will NEVER be posted. Maybe. We'll see. My hair was so bad...and I was wearing a mauve sweater.
   
4. We had 2 songs (don't ask me why I remember this) True, by Spandau Ballet and Islands in a Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton (no, I am not making that up.)
5. When I first fell for him, he had an afro. It was a perm, but I didn't care, cuz to my little 14 year old heart, it was sexxxy. I have a picture still, somewhere. If I can get him to agree to it, I'm so gonna post it.
   
6. He was the only boy I ever wore one of those split heart necklaces with and when we broke up, I threw my heart at him. Sooo dramatic. (like the one pictured, only it said something poignant like, together we are one...)
   
7. Our senior year, we fooled around again, but never really dated again.
8. He was really the only boyfriend I had during all of high school. I dated some, but never really did the whole "relationship" thing. Probably the smartest thing I ever did...

There you go. Little known facts that probably could've stayed swept under the rug.

Guy-o-mancy...do you do it?

Guy-o-mancy, the ancient art of reading every word, every look, every nuance having to do with a guy to determine if he likes you or not. How many people out there are guilty of this?

Yes, I'm raising my hand...both of them, actually, because back in the day, I used to do this a LOT.

Okay, I still do. I admit, I don't always know what the manpanion's thinking, so I still use these little tricks to get a handle on him.

What is the art of guy-o-mancy, you ask, and how can I learn this sage skill? Alas, there are no trade schools specializing in understanding the other sex, but Auntie Rhonda is going to teach you some tricks of the trade:

1--If you want to determine the guy's feelings, but he's not around, try the old "betting" concept. Just make a bet with yourself--if you can sink that wadded-up piece of paper into the garbage on your first try, then it must be love. Or, put your hand on the phone. If someone calls you in the next X seconds, it means your guy's smitten.

2--If you're in his presence, analyze every physical gesture he makes to see if he's into you. What does his body language reveal? Is he leaning in toward you? Does he touch your arm/shoulder/face? Does he make lots of eye contact?

3--If you're in a conversation with the guy, dissect every word he says. Is he asking questions about you, or does he just like talking about himself? When he answers questions, are they more than just one or two-word phrases? Does he laugh at your jokes?

Have any guy-o-mancy tips or tricks to share? Dish it up, folks! Let's hear what you do when you're feeling especially neurotic. haha

ETA: The winner from yesterday's contest is DEB LOGAN. Congrats, Deb!!!

Walt's Whitmart, Spring Break, and President Lincoln

Many ages ago, when I was a student (shut up) I took a road trip with my very good friend Lori on spring break. We drove to Washington, DC to visit friends. I got to do most of the driving; Lori had rented a massive Grand Marquis and I was the only one who could parallel park that boat!

I'd been to DC before-- no, scratch that-- I'd been through DC before. My father's family is from southwestern Virginia, and we visited them now and again. The trip featured a midnight blur that was our nation's capitol. I can vaguely remember my mother shrieking "wake up, kids, you can see the White House." There was a blurry white thing whizzing by as my father cursed about being stuck on the loop and mom lecturing him on the fascinating lay-out of the city, which was similar to Boston in that it resembled the spokes of a wheel.

Yeah, I don't know why he didn't leave her at a 7-11 somewhere, either.

Anyway, on THIS trip it was just us gals. Lori was, and I would imagine still is, a hoot. En route we flirted with truck drivers, missed a turn-off, and discovered a gigantic, illuminated cross on the side of the highway. It assured us that Jesus Saves, and we felt pretty good about that. Plus right after that, around Havre De Grass Maryland we spotted a bunch of signs for Walt Whitman stuff including a delightful curiosity called Walt's Whitmart. I have checked repeatedly and the place is no longer there. I'd give my right arm to see it if it were.

Where was I? Havre De Grass... oh yeah, en route to DC!

You might think this is going someplace salacious, and I do so hate to disappoint. We made it to DC, hung out with our two great friends, played Foosball, and toured only a few sites.

But I remember, very well, Ford's Theater. I remember looking at the balcony from which Booth jumped and fled across the stage. I remember, too, the house across the street where Lincoln was taken, and looking on the bed where he died. It seemed too small for a man known for his great stature.

Jokes about the spokes of the wheel aside, if you manage to find your way off the Beltway and get to see DC, do it. Cherry blossoms or not, you won't forget it. Even just rolling past in a Grand Marquis you get a sense of incredible power and promise from pristine white buildings around you. You stand on the Mall, or look into the Reflecting Pool, or gaze up at the Monument and find yourself unable to stifle the swell of pride.

It inspired me to become involved in political campaigns as a young person. I volunteered, stuck signs in yards, re-collected them after the elections, and yeah-- I stood there like an idiot waving at people who found me waving when all they really wanted to do was go home incredibly annoying. But I never regretted it. Campaigns are not only fun-- they are great places to learn, connect with others, and nurture a sense of responsibility for ones own community.

Anyone can pitch in, even those not old enough to vote. We seem, lately, to be stuck in CRITICISM mode in our current presidential campaign. I'm not against criticism, but I wish more people volunteered and saw, up close, how cool the process is. And once or twice I worked for somebody I genuinely, deeply believed in. I've screamed and cried when the numbers came in and an entire ballroom of workers exploded with the joy of victory. I've stood ankle-deep in paper and empty paper cups with my arms around another campaign-rat, limp and weeping when victory slipped away. In recent years I've even been lucky enough to write a few words for local, low-level hopefuls.

So often when we think of democracy, of patriotism, of great oratory in American politics Lincoln comes to mind. Most of us can quote some of his Gettysburg Address. He reunited a bleeding nation, and gave the ultimate sacrifice.

When you think about those who have died for their country it's hard to find the snarky jokes and stupid soundbites amusing. But there is, of course, a great deal of slapstick in politics and that's as it should be. It can be sombre and moving, but it can also be a great deal of fun.

Plus-- and this is a secret tip from my days of misspent youth-- all the really dorky campaign geek guys? They grow up to be incredibly smart, incredibly well-connected dudes who drive nice cars.

For serious. You should totally volunteer!