Once upon a time I was cool, and so was this jacket. I swear. I have witnesses.
In fact, yesterday (Sunday) I made my normal morning rounds and came across Bill, who dated me a little a million years ago, and somehow ended up married to my absolute best friend, Roxy. (You may now shriek the Police song in your head… you’re welcome.)
Anyway, I was minding my own beeswax, standing in line at the pharmacy with ice, a newspaper, and some Tylenol when Bill wandered up with his two adorable kids—Johnny and Bill Jr. He kissed me on the cheek and said “hey, sweetheart!”
That’s where the trouble started.
Johnny: WHY are you calling Chrissy “sweetheart?”
Bill: Because she IS a sweetheart. Back in the day everybody wanted her to be THEIR sweetheart, you know.
Johnny (incredulous—thanks, Johnny): WHY????
Bill: Because she was cute, she could sing and play guitar, she could play BASEBALL, and she could open beer bottles with the buttons on her Levi’s jacket.
*note: this is true… and I can still do it.
Johnny (considering): Welllll… okay, that IS cool, but it’s a really stupid reason to fall in love with somebody.
*insert hysterical laughter wafting through CVS
Everybody’s a critic. That kid can open his own bloody beer bottles. *fume*