Honey, You're Fat

I was listening to a radio station this morning, and a guy had written in with a problem and was requesting advice. Apparently, his wife had had a baby just over a year ago, and he wanted to get advice on how to broach the subject of his wife's excess weight with her, without coming across as a jerk.

So, in the interest of being fair, I'm going to do my best to approach this topic carefully and from both sides, because it really is worth discussing.

Okay, for starters, it's one thing to be concerned with someone's health. If your spouse/partner/significant other has gained an unhealthy amount of weight lately, there may be a medical or psychological reason (e.g., a thyroid issues, depression, etc) that could need to be addressed. I can pretty much guarantee you, though, that your partner already knows he/she has gained extra weight. After all, those ever-tightening pants don't lie. *sigh*

This guy's problem, however, seemed to be that his wife was just too fat after having a baby, and even after a year hadn't gone back to her pre-baby size. His question didn't come across as if it was a health concern, so I naturally assume it's more of an issue of feeling attracted to her.

So, what would be your advice to this man--how should he handle the issue?

If you had a spouse/significant other who had gained what you think is too much weight, would you talk to them about it--and if so, how? If your attraction for your partner has reduced as a result of the excess weight, is that your partner's problem, or yours (or both of you)? Is it better to keep your mouth shut and not admit it, or should you be honest about your feelings?

What if it was a possible health/medical issue, or mental health problem--does it change anything then? Is it okay to talk to your partner in this case?

Honestly, my initial reaction after hearing his letter was anger, because DUDE, having a baby is rough on your body, and it takes time to bounce back...and sometimes, you never fully do! I have two kids, so I should know. haha. If I were in this wife's place, I'd be crushed. Mortified. Angry. Hurt.

But to be fair, a part of me can be honest with myself and see that attractiveness plays a part in a relationship, even if we don't like to admit it. After all, that could be perceived as shallow, because we're supposed to care about who people are, not just what they look like. But if you're not attracted to your partner anymore, that can sometimes lead to problems in a relationship--with chemistry, fidelity, etc., yes?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic! And in advance, thank you for playing nicely--this is kind of a sticky situation, so I appreciate your thoughtfulness and tactfulness.